February 16, 2022
I am at an utter loss for words.
I know what I said, but I had no idea it would cause so much hurt.
I never thought this would affect you this way
Something seemingly simple, yet, the worst thing to say
Especially since it was already a phenomenal day
How could I leave..... I WANTED to STAY
Just to lay it out there, I choose you
choose - present tense - to select or pick
seeing you that way made me feel a little sick
I feel lost. I've always felt lost
We know that we must make decisions, but some are not worth the cost
True happiness is what we strive for
How can I not make a stupid mistake anymore
At this moment, my heart is burning, and my chest aches
I hope that one day this won't be the case
all of my thoughts are on you cause I caused the pain I see on your face
today I witness a beautiful black woman experience hidden anguish
I still heard your heart speak, for we speak the same language
I cried today too, not in tears, but with unbelievable sorrow
I want to believe it will be better tomorrow
I need the strength too. How can I? How can't I?
I want to...I'm afraid to. Is there an easy way?
Is the truth the easy way? Should I make up an egregious lie?
Do we just let it be and continue with this life?
life - a human or animal existence.
Are we living?
living - wanting to wake up every day to each other (my definition)
No!
I am so confused, but one thing I am sure about is you.
I'm tired of lying, the truth feels so good.
Truth - fact, honesty, YOU.
Yes, I just used you to define truth.
By far, this is the hardest thing I've dealt with
watching you cry and not knowing how to respond
wanting to hold you, but not wanting to smother you
I want to be perfect,
knowing I'm not perfect,
but the pursuit is still worth it
Do I love you? Without a doubt.
How much? Enough to try to think a way through
Do I want you there? HELL YEAH
Why didn't I just say so? I'm scared.
It has always been my fear.
fear - letting happiness pass me by even if it's literally right here!
I hate watching you hurting
For I am forsaken with this heavy burden
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