The Weight of Burden

February 16, 2022

I am at an utter loss for words.

I know what I said, but I had no idea it would cause so much hurt.

I never thought this would affect you this way

Something seemingly simple, yet, the worst thing to say

Especially since it was already a phenomenal day

How could I leave..... I WANTED to STAY

Just to lay it out there, I choose you

choose - present tense - to select or pick

seeing you that way made me feel a little sick

I feel lost. I've always felt lost

We know that we must make decisions, but some are not worth the cost

True happiness is what we strive for

How can I not make a stupid mistake anymore

At this moment, my heart is burning, and my chest aches

I hope that one day this won't be the case

all of my thoughts are on you cause I caused the pain I see on your face

today I witness a beautiful black woman experience hidden anguish

I still heard your heart speak, for we speak the same language

I cried today too, not in tears, but with unbelievable sorrow

I want to believe it will be better tomorrow

I need the strength too. How can I? How can't I?

I want to...I'm afraid to. Is there an easy way?

Is the truth the easy way? Should I make up an egregious lie?

Do we just let it be and continue with this life?

life - a human or animal existence.

Are we living?

living - wanting to wake up every day to each other (my definition)

No!

I am so confused, but one thing I am sure about is you.

I'm tired of lying, the truth feels so good.

Truth - fact, honesty, YOU.

Yes, I just used you to define truth.

By far, this is the hardest thing I've dealt with

watching you cry and not knowing how to respond

wanting to hold you, but not wanting to smother you

I want to be perfect,

knowing I'm not perfect,

but the pursuit is still worth it

Do I love you? Without a doubt.

How much? Enough to try to think a way through

Do I want you there? HELL YEAH

Why didn't I just say so? I'm scared.

It has always been my fear.

fear - letting happiness pass me by even if it's literally right here!

I hate watching you hurting

For I am forsaken with this heavy burden